just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
