OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
