on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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