I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize