he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
