Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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