Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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