i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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