Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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