I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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