At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
