Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
