she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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