Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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