I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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