So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
