Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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