Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
