YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
