There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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