who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I cockslap morals
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
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I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.