This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's