I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE