Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.