I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
