Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
