I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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