How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You took a bar mat shot.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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