2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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