She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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