If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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