smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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