I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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