I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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