So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
