I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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