the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Randomize
