Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
