my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
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