2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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