Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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