woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
