last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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