She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize