I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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