think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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