went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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