Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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