He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
