Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
