He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
