Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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