Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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