I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
