plz talk dirty to me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
id be glad to
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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