I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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