i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
