btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
