Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
