Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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