Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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