I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
