if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize