A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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